Inconveniently, the bible has little to say on dating, boyfriends and girlfriends. It is, however, heaven and earth's greatest book on RELATIONSHIPS with other human beings. In fact, technically, from Genesis to Revelation, it's one big book about one big relationship - the relationship between God and humanity.
So personally I would rather read my bible than Cosmo when it comes to relationships
And probably every other subject for that matter ...
/// Song of Songs 8:4 ///
says “daughters of Jerusalem, do not stir up or awaken love before the time is right”.
Relationships with the opposite sex can be tricky. Sometimes our feelings try and stir up something prematurely. Ever bitten into a fruit before the time is ripe? Looks good, feels good, but doesn’t taste right. Gross. Bitter. Leaves a chalky layer on your teeth. You kinda wanna spit it out but that will look awkward in front of other people. (For more on this, you'll want to read HOW TO DEAL WITH A CRUSH)
But if we JUST WAIT until the time and season is right - what a reward! How sweet it is to taste! How satisfying to our appetites! (yo, I'm still talking about fruit...) But seriously, when it comes to relationships, be like your fruit tree: WAIT until the time is ripe!
But how do we know when the time is right?
Great question. Let's explore what it looks like to wait while we still building friendship with someone we have a crush on:
1.) FRIENDSHIP FIRST PEOPLE!
You want your marriage partner to be your best friend. That would require you to be friends before lovers! Pursue FRIENDSHIP before ROMANCE. We love romance. We love The Notebook. We love *insert comedy romance here*. But friendship is a SAFE platform where you can get to know your "special friend" without any unwanted pressure to look or act like someone or something you're not. By the time you put a ring on it, you'll want to be saying "I do" to your best friend, not a stranger or someone you're trying to impress.
2.) ATTRACTION OR A DISTRACTION?
Picture a triangle, with God at the top, you on the bottom left, and Special Someone on the bottom right. As you both move UP the triangle, closer to God, the closer you two become. The question is: ARE THEY ATTRACTING YOU TO GOD OR DISTRACTING YOU FROM GOD? They will either point you TO God or side track you away FROM God. And you don't get off scot free either - you either point that person toward God or you can be a distraction away from Him. As Christians our responsibility is to forever be pointing people toward God, and encouraging them to honour him while honouring him ourselves - no matter who the person is. So, butterflies or no butterflies, let's be a person who attracts everyone we hang out with to the Loveliest One of all - Jesus!
3.) LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND
IF you're motivated truly by love, you'll wait for the right time. (If not - why not?) God won't leave you in the dark. He knows the perfect time - there is a perfect time for every activity under the heavens.
/// ECCLESIASTES 3 : 11 ///
"There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth"
When fruit is ripe to be picked, it drops from the tree. You don't have to pull it and twist it and rip it off with effort and striving and a tight (or possessive) grip. It drops all on its own with ease and grace, ready to be picked up and enjoyed. If your relationship is "ripe" to be picked and love ready to be "awakened" then the grace of God will cause it to happen. It won't require your (or his) possessive grip, force, or haste. So don't try and manufacture a relationship before it's the right time.
You wouldn't want to deliver a baby prematurely, and trust me, you don't want to "awaken" a relationship prematurely early either.
You can't force fruit - it can only be yielded in the right time and season.
/// 1 CORINTHIANS 13:4-5 ///
" love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, isn't always 'me first'... "
So pursue safe friendship, be an attraction to God and not a distraction, and wait for God's perfect timing. The famous 1 Corinthians 13 LOVE PASSAGE in the bible (read out at many weddings!) begins by declaring "love is patient, love is kind" and you know what it says in verse 7?
/// 1 COR 13 : 7 ///
"Love trusts God always"
This is it guys. If you feel like you're forcing a relationship, maybe you have to ask yourself: am I trusting God with this? Do I really believe that He wants what's best for me? Am I willing to lay everything down for Him & trust him with all my relationships?
At the end of the day, you can trust God with your heart, & theirs. He's got this.
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