Ok, time to answer the big Q everyone’s talking about - WHY should we wait until marriage before we have sex? Youth and young adults are not the only ones asking this question. Heck, even Christians who are already MARRIED are asking this question.
First, let’s get one thing straight: sex is not a dirty word. Sex is a great word. It’s hilarious that people think God doesn’t approve of sex. Not only did He create it (great idea, God!) it was also His FIRST commandment to humanity:
/// Genesis 1 : 2 8 ///
"God blessed them and said Be fruitful and multiply"
How do you multiply human beings? There’s only one way people. And it’s a great way. I mean, He could’ve made it an UN-enjoyable experience, right? But nope, God entwines the physical, spiritual, emotional realms into one of the most enjoyable experiences a human being can have (when it's done right).
What’s important to note, is that God told Adam and Eve to be FRUITFUL and MULTIPLY (have sex) within the safety and beauty of COVENANT - that would be marriage. Sex, marriage & family are GOD’S idea and GOD’S creation. He's been known to have some pretty rad ideas. I personally think these are His best ones.
But, we ask, surely if 2 people love each other, respect each other, value each other and are committed to each other, they’ve earned the right to have sex? Hold up. Sex isn’t a right of passage. It’s a powerful, potent, awesome way to symbolise covenant and bond with someone. For LIFE.
I don’t intend on summing it all up in one short article - but allow me to add another piece to the mosaic of p & t and make sure you read other articles to get the full picture.
Sex is a HUGE deal! I don’t know why we’ve been taught that it’s no big deal as long as we don't get pregnant or an STD. Is learning how to put a condom on a banana in Sex Ed really the best we can do?
It’s a force so strong that human beings can be produced from it
Hello - it marks the beginning of new life! Not even the angels are allowed the privilege of joining God in the creation of life. We get to be in on that! The fact that we’ve reduced it to a “one night stand” or “flings” or even a "boyfriend-girlfriend" deal is absurd, and frankly, unintelligent. It's so much more than that, friends.
Part of the reason we misunderstand sex is because we don’t get the way we’re wired. It’s actually different for guys & girls, which is why we need to wait for the protection and safety of marriage to engage in something so powerful.
So here's some straight up science for you:
The XX and the XY are simply geared differently - us girls are wired emotionally, and the lads are wired sexually. Hello testosterone. Guys just have more of the stuff than girls. It’s science, people. Don't fight it. It's the reason guys can grow hipster beards and girls can't. This means that intimacy will be more of an emotional connection for girls and more of a sexual connection for guys. (Ps, that's not a bad thing. It means once you get married you get to serve yourself by serving your partner.)
For the boys, they tend to imprint on their first sexual experience.
No, Twilight did not come up with the idea of imprinting.
Their 1st sexual experience tends to mark them for life. Kind of like a baby animal imprints on its mother - they see their mama and immediately attach themselves. Here’s the thing though: if it’s not their wife (the one and only girl they’ll be with for life) they don’t imprint on the girl. They imprint on the experience. And every other sexual experience after this will be affected by the first. This can be a good or a bad thing - a good thing if he waits until his wedding day. If a guy waits for marriage, he will imprint on the girl, and she’ll be the only girl he’s ever imprinted on. Now it’s not about any other girl or experience, it’s about that girl. What a powerful connection! A recipe for a great sex life. But if he has sex with multiple girls? He will try to re-live the first experience - even if he doesn’t realise it. It’s in his sexual memory. (Yes, you have one of those.) The girl becomes interchangeable, and it becomes about the experience of sex instead of the person.
Sex within marriage protects the person, over the experience
Sex was never meant to be separated from the heart. But our culture has cut them apart. It’s about as painful and ripping your heart out. It’s supposed to be an expression of the utmost intimacy between two people. It is simply not designed explicitly for physical pleasure. Ask any girl who’s been dumped after a fling. There’s a reason it hurts, people.
/// Mark 10: 9 ///
Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.”
Did you know that people who wait until marriage to have sex have the lowest divorce rates in the world - 5% compared to the outrageous 60% stats thrown at us. And we're not talking Christian marriages here - we're talking in every culture on the planet, secular or Christian. THAT is the power of a sexual connection! Do you see why God created it?
When a woman has sex, a chemical called oxytocin is released. It happens to be the same chemical that is released when a mother breastfeeds her baby.
You know what it is? It’s an extremely powerful, potent, life-time lasting BONDING chemical. But here’s the way God designed us: every time a girl has sex with another partner, the level of oxytocin drops. Physically, you're no longer going to experience the same level sex was intended to be every time you have another partner. Basically, the awesomeness of the experience drops.
Here is what science is telling us - sex BONDS US TO ONE PERSON FOR LIFE
Physiologically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually: sex is designed for you and ONE other person - the person you spend the rest of your life with.
Oh look at that - it completely aligns with what God was saying all along!
Did I mention God loves science, as well as sex?
Bottom line: sex is extremely powerful. It’s so powerful because it’s supposed to hold two people together for a lifetime. Contrary to many opinions, sex is a very central part of marriage. Marriages with healthy sex lives tend to FLOURISH if it’s done the right and honouring way to both parties.
Here’s my final word: to those of you who have already engaged in sexual activity outside of marriage (just because it aint intercourse, it doesn’t mean it’s not sex) here's what you're asking: is there hope for you? Yes. Yes there is. Your hope is in a person: His name is Jesus Christ. He is the one who restores purity. He is the One who can press the reset button. I believe He can renew your sexual memory. He may not restore your physical virginity (although I have heard of girls testifying their hymen was restored on their wedding night) but he CAN and DOES restore your spirit of virginity.
/// Psalm 51:10 ///
“Create in me a pure heart, oh, God, and renew your right Spirit within me.”
What is impossible with mankind, is possible with God. Notice the psalmist cries out “renew your spirit within me”. It is the power of the Spirit of God alone that restores our virginity.
Virginity is so much more than a physical thing. In fact, it begins in the heart
If you invite the Holy Spirit to come and live in your heart, He will renew & restore everything from the inside out - and yep, that includes your virginity. Ask Him today - it's never too late to start again. Yes, there's consequences for our actions, and you may have a different journey to walk - but never underestimate the redemptive powers of Christ.
SO much love,
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