Ok, time to answer the big Q everyone’s talking about - WHY should we wait until marriage before we have sex? Youth and young adults are not the only ones asking this question. Heck, even Christians who are already MARRIED are asking this question.
First, let’s get one thing straight: sex is not a dirty word. Sex is a great word. It’s amusing that people think God doesn’t approve of sex. Not only did He create it (great idea, God!) it was also His 1st commandment to humanity:
/// Genesis 1 : 2 8 ///
"God blessed them and said Be fruitful and multiply"
How do you multiply human beings? There’s only one way people. And it’s a great way. I mean, He could’ve made it an UN-enjoyable experience, right? But nope, God entwines the physical, spiritual, emotional realms into one of the most enjoyable experiences a human being can have.
What’s important to note, is that God told Adam and Eve to be FRUITFUL and MULTIPLY (have sex) within the safety and beauty of COVENANT - that would be marriage. Sex, marriage & family are God’s idea and God’s creation. He's been known to have some pretty amazing ideas. (I personally think these are His best ones.)
But, we ask, surely if 2 people love each other, respect each other, value each other and are committed to each other, they’ve earned the ‘right’ to have sex? Well, for the Christian, we express true love, respect, value and commitment through a covenant called marriage. And sex is the powerful, potent, awesome way to symbolise that covenant and bond with someone. For LIFE.
(In other words - if you like it than you really should put a ring on it)
Sex is a big deal! I don’t know why we’ve been taught that it’s no biggie as long as we don't get pregnant or an STD. Learning how to put a condom on a banana in Sex Ed doesn’t cover it folks (#punintended)
It’s a force so strong that human beings can be produced from it
The fact that we’ve reduced it to a “one night stand” or “flings” or even a "boyfriend-girlfriend" deal is wild. It's so much more than that, friends.
Part of the reason we misunderstand sex is because we don’t get the way we’re wired. It’s actually different for guys & girls, which is why we need to wait for the protection and safety of marriage to engage in something so powerful.
So here's some straight up science for you:
The XX and the XY are simply geared differently - girls are wired emotionally, and the lads are wired sexually. Hello testosterone. Guys just have more of the stuff than girls. It’s science, people. Don't fight it. It's the reason guys can grow hipster beards and girls can't. This means that for a couple, girls will connect sexually if they’re connected with emotionally. Guys will connect emotionally if they’re connected with sexually. This isn’t to say girls don’t have sexual desires and guys don’t have emotional desires. Quite the opposite - we just have different wiring systems.
For the boys, they tend to imprint on their first sexual experience.
No, Twilight did not come up with the idea of imprinting.
Their 1st sexual experience tends to mark them for life. Kind of like a baby animal imprints on its mother - they see their mama and immediately attach themselves. Here’s the thing though: if it’s not their wife (the one and only girl they’ll be with for life) they don’t imprint on the girl. They imprint on the experience. And every other sexual experience after this will be affected by the first. This can be a good or a bad thing - a good thing if he waits until his wedding day. If a guy waits for marriage, he will imprint on the girl, and she’ll be the only girl he’s ever imprinted on. Now it’s not about any other girl or experience, it’s about that girl. What a powerful connection! A recipe for a great sex life. But if he has sex with multiple girls? He will subconsciously try to re-live the 1st experience - it’s in his sexual memory. (Yes, you have one of those.) The girl becomes interchangeable, and it becomes about the experience of sex instead of the person. So:
Sex within marriage protects the person, over the experience
Sex was never meant to be separated from the heart. But our culture has cut them apart. It’s about as painful as ripping your heart out. It’s supposed to be an expression of the utmost intimacy between two people. It is simply not designed explicitly for physical pleasure. Ask anyone who’s been dumped after a fling. There’s a reason it hurts, people.
/// Mark 10: 9 ///
Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.”
Did you know that people who wait until marriage to have sex have the lowest divorce rates in the world - 5% compared to the outrageous 60% stats thrown at us. And we're not talking Christian marriages here - we're talking in every culture on the planet, secular or Christian. THAT is the power of a sexual connection!
When a woman has sex, a chemical called oxytocin is released. It happens to be the same chemical that is released when a mother breastfeeds her baby.
It’s an extremely powerful, potent BONDING chemical. But every time a girl has sex with another partner, the level of oxytocin drops. Physically, you're no longer going to experience the same level of bonding every time you have another partner. It’s like glue, that loses it’s stickiness every time you stick to someone else.
Here’s what our physiology is telling us:
SEX IS BEST WHEN IT’S WITH ONE PERSON
Physiologically, emotionally, and spiritually: sex is designed for you and ONE other person - the person you spend the rest of your life with.
Did I mention God loves science, as well as sex?
Bottom line: sex is extremely powerful. It’s so powerful because it’s supposed to hold two people together for a lifetime. Contrary to many opinions, sex is a very central part of marriage. Marriages with healthy sex lives tend to FLOURISH if it’s done the right and honouring way to both parties.
So, what about those who have already engaged in sexual activity outside of marriage asking “but what about me? I’ve lived my life a certain way, but now I want to change. Have I stuffed it up for the rest of my life?”
Your hope and restoration is in a person: His name is Jesus Christ. In a moment He can turn a life around. He is the one who restores purity. He is the One who can press the reset button. I believe He can renew your sexual memory because his salvation work applies not just to our soul, but our brain, our body, our mindsets, our attitudes. He may not restore your physical virginity but he CAN and DOES restore your spirit of virginity.
/// Psalm 51:10 ///
“Create in me a pure heart, oh, God, and renew your right Spirit within me.”
What is impossible with mankind, is possible with God. Notice the psalmist cries out “renew your spirit within me”. It is the power of the Spirit of God alone that restores our purity.
Virginity is so much more than a physical thing. In fact, it begins in the heart
If you invite the Holy Spirit to come and live in your heart, He will renew & restore everything from the inside out - and yep, that includes your sexuality. Ask Him today - it's never too late to start again. Yes, we all have a different journey to walk - but never underestimate the redemptive powers of Christ.
So much love
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